Sparkly Vampire Syndrome
by Dazzle My Vajazzle
Summary: This epidemic was worse then Bieber Fever. For once the cunning Kelly Jones didn't know how to resolve this growing problem. That's when the Head Girl did the unthinkable. Kelly called in a specialist. Kelly called in Taylor.


The disease was spreading around the world rapidly. This epidemic was worse then Bieber Fever. The contagious virus mostly effected teenage girls. Doctors were working hard to find a cure but this was harder then curing swine flu. As the disease made it's way into England, St Trinians began to become infected by it. Sparkly Vampire Syndrome had effected half of the St Trinian Emos. It had become so bad that they were fighting over two fictional characters. For once the cunning Kelly Jones didn't know how to resolve this growing problem. That's when the Head Girl did the unthinkable. Kelly called in a specialist. Kelly called in Taylor.

"Wot's up?" Taylor asked, while she was still chewing her chewing gum,

"The Emos are split straight down the middle and I have know idea what to do about it," Kelly sighed, she hated it when she couldn't form a solution,

"Ova?" Kelly's face grew serious,

"Edward and Jacob,"

"Who?"

"You know the book Twilight?" Taylor shook her head no, "The one with vampires?" Taylor blinked, her face still looked blank, "The sparkly flammable fairies?"

"Oh!" Taylor grinned, "Why they fightin' ova some pixies?"

"Half of them are Team Edward while the other Team Jacob,"

"Bella's a slag anyways," Taylor snorted, Kelly looked at Taylor with wide eyes, "Wot? I watched da movie init,"

"Wasn't you saying the other day that you hated Twilight?"

"I walked into da wrong screen at da cinema alrigh'!" Taylor shouted, she then started to pout sulkily,

"Just go and stop them please?" Taylor let out a long sigh before she walked away from Kelly.

The chav made her way towards the classroom where she knew the Emos would be. Her feet dragged along the floor while she tried to think up a plan. Taylor was only doing this so Kelly could be blackmailed into making Flash flog their designer tampons, the chav had no desire in helping out her rivals. Taylor smirked at the idea of blackmailing Kelly Jones. She soon reached the classroom, yelling voices could be heard.

"Jacob's just a smelly mutt! Edward actually cares about Bella!" A voice yelled,

"Edward left Bella, Jacob was willing to do the work!" Another voice, which sounded abit like Beth, yelled back,

"Jacob is fitter!"

"Edward is cooler!"

"But Voldemort is more powerful," Taylor interrupted lazily. The chav stood, leaning in the doorway, filing her nails,

"Get lost chav," Beth spat venomously,

"Jus' sayin'. All Voldey would 'ave ta do is wave his wand and then," Taylor paused for effect, "BAM!" She yelled, "Dead vampys,"

"Vampires can only be killed with fire,"

"Voldey can make fire," Taylor said, rolling her eyes,

"Victoria is more evil then Voldemort," Zoe said, a smug smile playing upon her lips, Taylor snorted,

"Voldey went afta a baby, nothin' is as evil as tha'. Why you guys fightin' ova a dumb ass vampire anyways?"

"Because chav," Beth spat again, "Half of us are being dazzled by Edward Cullen and cannot see that Jacob is better for Bella,"

"Bella's a right slag," Every Emo in the room gasped and fell into a deadly silence, "Wot?"

"You insulted a Cullen!" Zoe said as if it was an illegal thing to do,

"Fought she was a Swan?"

"She chooses Edward!"

"She's still a slag. See dis would neva happen in Harry Potter," Taylor smirked,

"Harry Potter is unrealistic, unlike Twilight,"

"I know right," Every Emo looked at the Chav in shock, "A ginger 'avin' two friends, please,"

"Go away chav," Zoe snarled,

"Alrigh', keep ya fangs in," Taylor held her hands up in defeat, "Bellatrix Lestrange could kick Bella's ass any day," Taylor was about to leave when something happened. Before the Chav could turn and leave a certain Posh Tottie appeared,

"EXPELLIARMUS!" Chelsea yelled as she jumped into the room, she then began waving a twig around,

"Chelsea," Taylor said, she buried her laughter, "Why you wavin' a stick around?"

"I'm practising my magic for when I go to Hogwarts, my letter arrived a few years late. Apparently postal strikes were to blame," She smiled innocently. Taylor then remembered about the fake letter she had sent to Chelsea the other week and laughed.

"I bet even Chelsea could beat a vampys ass!" The chav said before she began to howl with laughter.

* * *

**_No idea where Chelsea came from but her twig waving and expelliarmusing came from the time when I jumped out at a stranger and did what Chelsea just did. I'm that badass ;]. Hmm I don't think this was all that funny but I didn't find Vampires that funny either. Please don't take offense to the ginger joke, I have nothing against people with Ginger hair. Twas only a joke and if it does cause you offense Taylor say's "Soz 'ard," couldn't resist ;]. Now I might do a one shot about Taylor sending Chelsea that fake Hogwarts letter, so..._**

**_Roses are red  
Violets are blue,  
be kind to this author,  
and write a review_**


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